MIKUB0T LORE

 29. ngl this one time 28th or 27th the Voices were nice to me after i woke up they said they loved and cared about me i think it was addressed to me. maybe why my mood was a bit better. everything i do ends up being a mistake. how ever ... big plan is brewing evil laugh. i am him. i can still fix everything and everyone. talking to stubborn ppl is difficult but not impossible. i just hope i won't be too late sigh. i must cook. when i tell others about my plan if they tell me off  i',m actually going to kill myself. first two lines of bob marley's is this love keeps playing in my head for multiple days now. lowkey beautiful ass song. also gooood news chat i decided it would only be right to forgive you for everything so we kinda 67 chill now, i'm still really scared of talking to you though, i start shaking and my heart starts hurting when i think about it. feels bad to leave you for so long but man am i suffering. i found out the reason for my horrible screen tearing w...

26? on and off i hear drawn out screaming in my head or pleas for help or for death but i'm not yet insane enough to externalize them heh. maruzensky makes me sad as hell. i don't think anyone understands just how much i am hurt and the implications all of this has on me. i keep thinking and no matter what conclusions i could come to none of them are what you'd like to hear. either way i am glad not to have anyone depend on me because having everything spiral out of my control like this is cheeks especially when i too seem to be right. either way though this world is way better than what you seem to think it is, it's like vro just hasn't found the meaning of life. i used to hope very very hard for me to be able to believe in how you see things and your choices so i could feel like you made the right ones and i genuinely tried really hard but with the way everything is unfolding i don't think i can because everything is very illogical and Bad. i can't even ma...

still don't have it in me to keep up with everything, but from what i heard you don't need me anymore, so taking this time to suicidemaxx. only posting this to show im alive ig 24th: cried like 5 times in 6 hours? got up at like 6pm after sundown, went to sleep at maybe 8 or 9 am the day before went to see z at the dance but stayed by the ticket table for like 20 mins max and gained basically nothing from it, just passed along some trinkets that may not even reach any recipients i wore my basic daily fit with moises' pants but people actually seemed to like it lol. i guess my emo drip is on par with the halloween vibe. wore my dawg necklace even. didn't get to the photo booth even if i tried pushing hard for getting a picture wanted to go see new chainsaw man movie but didn't get to everyone's care for us feels so shallow. but while i feel like at least some people care about you (i know damn well i did at least) nobody ever really cared about me :/ tbh i'm ...

[Your name] the only one that will live your life is you. Your parents will not live your life for you. Your life is your life. Only you can understand what you want. I hope you do not let fear influence your decisions. I hope you do not live a life you will regret. But the choices you make will be on you. Only you will solely suffer the consequences of it at the end of the day. If you need permission to believe that your life is yours then so be it. I [Her first and last name] am telling from the bottom of my heart that you are allowed to live the life you want. It may difficult and hard , no matter what choice you make, but it will be your life.- [Her name] You are my close friend and I care for you. I can’t decide for you. I can’t help someone that doesn’t want help.  I can only do so much. Stop being sad and hopeless. Get your shit together. Wake up.

 nobody going heh ah believe it or not i got the city girl album as an ad on spotify so i listened a bunch very bad today. mid test started dying and prof just told me to take my watch off yeah same dread after waking up from my nap. slept for like an hour at night and then was too scared to get up from my nap so slept for like 5h maybe.. had a dream where i was accused of bullying tokai teio (the uma) by my old classmates thats crazy everything else bad even after all of this i still try to change my strongest beliefs just for you but i dont know if i should and how much i am even able to but also who gaf no rush life useless anyway. i just dont want to make any promises anymore 5 stacked in valo and won a bunch but being in that dc call made me feel so unspeakably lonely

 aint no way youre leaving im concerned 😭 aw i feel kinda conflicted but slightly happier But also Bad speaking of skibidi i watched a video about that karate kid movie we watched and got sad lowkey everyone wants to read my blog and your comments uh Oh what do i do also i will update this over the next couple minutes dog pregrant No fucking way.  also dude i will be honest if god is so cruel theres no way i can willingly have any sort of a positive relationship with him the only reason i was even willing to entertain the idea to some extent was you. i even was thinking about going to church with your family on christmas. it's pretty silly to think I'd have anything to do with religion ortherwise lol would you like to chat for a bit with z on here i can make a new post so you can comment. i will have to trust vro not to read everything else also dawg i know damn well you're not going to mexico for a vacation what if they leave you there aint no way vermin supreme encouragi...

got told once again to see some counselor but what the fuck would i even say. that i am dying and there's no way anything will ever be okay again? i guess it's good you're drifting away from me because i literally serve no purpose to you or anyone else anymore. if everyone disappears i can just resume dying in peace. i genuinely can't believe you are doing okay and it sucks that i can't do anything, but whatever made you who you are becoming now is your own choice which i don't even have a choice but to accept. i have no leverage in anything ever and i lowkey am glad because i am useless and unfit for any sort of responsibility i guess. i still think about how in an ideal world if i could forget everything about life and our incompatibilities and everything else i would find great comfort in just being with you, but i fear you're becoming a stranger to me so i don't even have a choice in letting go. i'd say i'm still here to support you but you d...

i don't understand why i met you if i can't even be a part of your world you said you didn't want to change but my angel is already gone my labubu eyes red just like yours wow got 10/10 on last math test okay genuinely about to start passionately praying for death btw please try to see if you can talk to your other friends. you don't have to talk to me but you need to have contacts. please take care 🥀 on more positive news maybe i thought about you napping in your house very peacefully and bro my heart warmed up so unspeakably much

finished SHf i don't even have anything to look forward to. i can't do homework early because i need to distract myself. i can't do homework late at night because i get paranoid about being alone so i have to play some non music video which distracts me. i can't do anything straight up. all i'm hoping for is death sooner than later before i fuck even more things up. i also can't make any choices because i do want to Live capital L but then i can't because that's unchristian. i can't care about that either because i'm fucked either way. i am alone and i probably have been doomed for that from the start. nothing but suffering awaits me and i can't even hope for anything to change because i can't do shit about anything. all that's left is to become a 4channer ig. tried to open up just a smidge more to my mom and realized that probably won't help either way. broke down again because i am but a pussy. fumbled valorant. genuinely don...

somehow woke up with my scarf literally at my feet across the bed didnt take any meds today because i no longer feel anxious just really sad angry and jealous im crashing out in a new way made many conclusions basically none of them happy and none of them matter anyway scrubbed all parts of my tea kettle today valorant today was kinda good many wins and i met some girl i teamed up with and threw really bad she barely wanted to say goodbye prime time to grind prospecting they got new event with separate equipment wow also shf so sad i cant stop thinking about everything ever without connecting it to you somehow hope your days have been going okay rocky horror today. going at sleep at 9 lowkey uhh good morning 19th upd? i miss you i want to hold your hand and kiss you  L.E. was taking edibles with some guy uhh is it the one we knew about hmm.. have a chance to smoke weed what do something big may or may not happen at 1 am we will see how many risks i want to take 1 am thing passed i ...

 I actually tried watching Kubz play SHf too, but it wasn't too great. I think the biggest comfort from it is watching Mark himself, not the game. Last night I played one of the scariest things I've ever played brah, tried to ride my paranoia and mental illness. I'm happy I went out. Actually felt nice. Couldn't stop thinking about you, though. Talked to some Miku fan and gave them a few stickers. Now tell me why not washing my hands and wearing the simp hoodie made it smell like you I don't Nou anything else. I am not happy, that's for sure. Things too weird. I'm on the train back home right now. Hope you have a good night and day 🥀 Ahh in that dream we were at my apartment (my old one, that's the default house in my dreams) and we were kissing, but then I told you you should go and looked back at the door and it was open, so I knew your mom had been in. Clearly a parallel there, but I felt so nice in the dream, and not anxious. I don't know how to...

 i miss you everything feels unfair and confusing but im still hopemaxxing ! i still felt so horrible this morning but maybe fresh air helped me i feel way better aw. everyone here singing copacabana so wonderful. wearing simp hoodie and ena necklace. both got noticed heh. someone walked by with a snoopy shirt. idk if video works i made a new playlist 🥀 they played my playlist peak too people slow dancing to peak under disco ball ahhhh

AMNESIA BUNKER FREE ON EPIC WAKE UP!! And Scooby in Fortnite. Valo got another update - imagine queueing for comp and seeing the map has been remade - the only thing saving that is your peak radiant teammate. My cat went crazy tonight, went to hit my mom's face multiple times. My brother made me a Nutella sandwich for some reason. My mom was scratching my head, and my cat was staring so hard, and then he put his paw on my head too lol. On the test I was going to get a 6 on, I got a 7! Actually exclaimed in happiness in the hallway. And today's test, despite me basically not studying at all (I am indeed very cooked), went suspiciously well - I probably failed it miserably. I have a concert tomorrow, it was planned years ago already; of course, my first choice would be not to go, but that would be mean. Surprisingly got to play with K. Vro so scaredy, I can't play Roblox horror with him 🥀 Got on some Valo bootleg, they even have Jett's ult. Almost topfragged. Even he sai...

 Today was very very bad, I'll leave it at that to not make it about myself. I am genuinely sorry for everything and I'm sorry for not being stronger. I have to get to studying now somehow. I'll be back at some point

So sorry for everything. Take care of yourself. I'll write more about myself tomorrow, I also have a dream I feel I should share. I'll try to study today.

some dude is talking about random anime characters to his greatly unamused girlfriend ahh this should have been me !!!!! sofa in zumiez feels so soft holy shit i love life the music here so good. i woke up at 11 again and was so tired but forced myself to go out here and dawg honestly i feel pretty good about life delusion still going on everything is wondersome i barely drank yesterday and i tried finishing the cocktail today and i didn't even get close brah i hate alcohol so much i wasnt even tipsy at all i think i was laughing and smiling way too much catching up brah stretched until my back cracked ohh im so dying weather is surprisingly so good... found snoopy short tag sighhhhh got another bai flavor from who knows where ahhh is anyone even taking care of you bro so goated. take care rest well. hope you feel better

 Got into a 5-stack with 5 Bronze 1s and a Silver 3, I botfragged in my team of course, but got 32 RR, super worth it. Second one I placed higher but we lost. Wonderful There was this one day when my phone was off and the Balls in Your Jaws song started playing and I got so scared (sigh that's too harrassment pilled) that I had to restart my phone for it to leave. I actually have a similar memory of it happening with Miku, but maybe I'm just remembering that story being told. Ahh barely eated. So hungry. Sleep or gaming and eat Tried to talk to T about making a game and bro didn't respond... K didn't show up to a gaming night he himself arranged... Sigh everyone hates me sigh See brah the only message God had for me was about ice cream life is beautiful don't even worry you just gyatta believe I don't want to play church without you... Who's gonna bait all the opps for me 🥀 You not being with me is what feels wrong. Like in a gut feeling sense, it just does...

Gang, do NOT fall victim to Chinese scam apps. My Chinese game had its BGM turned down in-game, AND my tablet's sound was completely off, and that thing STILL played the music. That should NOT be allowed. Ban all Chinese games from app stores. America flag emoji Prospecting is SO cheeks. Remember the dragon skull I edited for K's birthday? It used to be the rarest object in the game. Now there have been so many updates since then that I can't catch up. It's literally impossible. I'm grinding almost as much as I used to back when I first started playing, AND I'm actually reading up on the stats and probabilities, and it STILL isn't enough.  I'm proud of you :) Keep going So much content to consume ahh... Alice... City girl... Squid game... It's over In terms of math class, funnily enough, someone removed an entire row from the classroom, and the only free seats are around Agnes lol. I WILL spread the Uma cheer soon. Otherwise, I have only ever talked ...

 Made myself food and ate today wow awesome good job ! Paced around a lot and thought. Almost got to Iron 3 but then had horrible teammates and am almost back to 1. Really tired my sleep schedule is horrible. Haven't caught up yet from yesterday, sorry. Good night :)

Fiddler crabs are very silly. Glassworts look like the stuff in prairies that I love too wow very nice Had a panic attack Wednesday night because of how sudden everything was. I was so lost that I even loaded up Umamusume. I missed Fuji Kiseki (I did like her), but that means I'm saving up for Meisho Doto next!! Everything ends well life is wonderful etc etc Almost had two panic attacks on Thursday morning, too; I thought I would skip class, but T came over to pick me up, so I took the chance and went. He was late, though, so I was late to the test, but I'm expecting at least a 6/10. Spent most of the day with three of your friends. Again, they were really reassuring about you. In hindsight, what they said did not matter, but even back then, I felt lost on who to believe - I think you felt the same way, and I really feel sorry about it. Even if you do leave me, I will try to keep being someone you could be proud of and could rely on if you needed.  R and T were hanging out? Alo...

 i'm still alright, i just really needed the long break talked to a bunch of people and they made me feel better about you. hope you are alright. i feel like i've been very hard on you!! i'm sorry!it's a bit difficult to navigate not knowing what you're really thinking but really all i can do is trust you and wait. also you have way more support than you believe! thanks for the imaginary origami!! 😸 i'm trying to take care of myself the best you can so at least you don't worry. i hope you are too! i'm staying strong for you and i expect the same from you heh

 sorry if i worried you i hope you are asleep :) i was resting from like 7.20 when i got home

Good job on everything today! I should be more productive as well. I haven't been talking to anyone, let alone playing with them. I might play Valorant with Finn someday. There were still so many games we had to play together, aw...  Uhh I'm not really great with medical terminology... Bro really hit me with the Lee infodump. Wonderful heh I know many bad things happened between us, but I was very happy overall. I would not take the time back. The only thing I really regret is hurting you. ...And, of course, not doing everything I've planned sooner, when I still had a chance. But everything that happened was still very beautiful to me. I'll be okay with whatever you want. Just give me some sign and I'll follow it. I trust you to take care of yourself, so I will accept anything. I will listen to the song when I feel a bit better. :) I can't lie, apart from me obviously being sad for you hurting, your feelings do make me quite sad... But I'm happy for you. If ...

Never mentioned it, but I'm still trying to cook in Prospecting. I have like 20b moneys right now. Just bought a highest level set, but it's not even helping me; this game became a grindfest lol. I feel like I'm back to clinging to my ritualistic routines so I wouldn't lose my mind. Speedran through the second ending for CT. It's so bleak lol. I think I spent like... 7 ish hours on it in total? A lot of the time was spent pondering though, so I can't even know how long I was really playing. Angel is literally you, that's all I was thinking about. She even speaks like you. The same way as the entirety of the Deltarune game is Literally Me, I see Clinical Trial as being Literally You. It was nice, but also made me really sad at times. You are not useless!!! You should allow yourself time to heal, but it's also pretty admirable that you are still doing stuff. Fresh opportunities sound pretty nice regardless, don't they? There's no way letting go wou...

 jigsaw who made this game. oh jigsaw i have many a thing to say after this. oh jogsaw. oh jigsaw JIGSAW THE GAME IS NOT OVER ? JIG SAW  I AM SO SCARED johgsaw. i have even more to say. shoud i jsut go to sleep/. ohh jigsaw i just want you to be happy I just finished it . Let's all kill outselves together yay !😸 Love that the official wiki mentions no other youtubers but my goat Manly. Sigh life so wonderful. Best of nights to you gang

 I keep running my mouth brah. /pos You're not responsible for me, put yourself first, I'm doing okay and rooting for you yay yippee I think my health is better overall today, BUT I possibly got a cold. It's actually so cold both inside and outside, it's crazy. Hope you're staying cozy :P Why is Angel Mexican this scam AND Korean shirt zamn. I actually laughed. Didn't play much because it made me slightly anxious tbh (and had many thought bubble breaks so it took a while), but I like it :). Big autism and ADD win. Going to try to do some more homework tonight and then have to wake up pretty early tomorrow. Goodnight ⭐ Edit: still playing, gave up on my serious plans, who care.  I don't even remember why I got that utility belt brah. NEW AGENT IS OUT! I have to grind so I can get him for free. Awesome sauce I think taking time for yourself and not studying or working would help you out, but I would be concerned about the lack of distractions in your life - al...

 Got a 7 on my previous test (can't even be happy brah, but that's the highest I've gotten). Next test in 2 days - I can't even get to it because I will be home alone. Sigh! Uber, I guess. You should come over so we can throw a party. Managed to tweak Grammarly's HTML for it to no longer blur out their premium suggestions lol... Conputer sciecn Hope you don't harbor any more negative feelings towards me; trust I have been beating myself up for everything. Wish we could meet and talk so I could know what you're thinking. Regardless, I'm proud of you for how far you've gotten; that never changed. (I'm actually kinda scared to know what changed, my daydreams have been so positive since yesterday ToT) I wish I could help you in general. I guess all I can do now is wish for the best for you and wait. I really hope you realize and really feel how much I am rooting for you; I wish I could have a way to show these feelings physically so you could really ...

Hello, world! I've been okay all things considered :) I got the anxiety mixture thing; everyone in my family hates it, but as the local drug superfan, I've been taking it. Maybe it does help, actually. Three thousand tuna cans surpassed. I'm finally buying something and getting a new cat :D I've been learning some stuff from the game, actually, like some endangered animals or poisonous plants.  I've been drawing... Safe to say I think you'd like some of them, but I shall keep them to myself for now!.. (Imagine pixel art of stargazing at the cemeteryside park spotty yes very wonderful) Haven't really been playing much of anything. Still back in Iron 1; almost done with the BP with a week left. However, I had multiple ideas for my own game - I don't know if it's a good idea to work on it outright (eh, superstition, other reasons), but my notes have been filling up. Should definitely focus on math more. I've been skipping some study groups, which mi...

 WE STAY WINNING LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL my dumb ass straight up smiling im so holly jolly vro

 Tried to hop on comp and my entire pc crashed? Restarted and I heard sounds I've never heard before lol. Let me reconnect after a round and started topfragging to compensate. I haven't talked to anyone else ahh I miss my best friend 🥀 I want to tell you more horse lore and give you food to eat

 I'm clearly at a bargaining phase. This is lowkey just a record of my descent into straight up madness. I probably shouldn't be showing you this side of me to be more reassuring but dude I straight up don't even know if you're alive. I already lost all hope of us having a nice future together no matter how wonderful the picture you had painted for me looked. All signs are pointing to something horrible happening to you. I just hope when I hear from you again you're as cheerful as when you left me. I need you to take care of me probably no less than you do. I'll stay strong but dude is this shit so damn scary.

 It's been a week. I haven't been outside in so long. On the way to the gym, I saw yellow leaves cover the grass. I smelled it in the air - Christmas is getting ever closer. It used to be my favorite holiday. I wish I could've gone to see Christmas decorations with you.  There are weird sirens here somewhere. Really not helping my mental illness lol. I feel so lonely. We should become vtubers together! NEW AGENT VALORANT VERY SOON he's very overpowered. 

 Achieved SS on Tek it :). Remember Summer's Yellow? When you finished it, I wanted to model it on Blender, that's why I was rushing you. I also wanted to model all the outfit pics you've sent me since before Peru. I'm gonna put them in my game lol. Losing Valorant horribly, literally going pi every game.

 Went by a lake, nice. Hit my toe and it bled, aw. Bought a cup with Snoopy and hearts, tongue emoji. KPop Demon Hunters in Fortnite, wonderful. If I made a game would it ever reach those it needs to?

 Going to sleep at 5 again, even though I have to get up early. Something isn't right. I think I know you well enough to know. I don't care about being together, I just need an answer. I know nothing of your whereabouts, your thoughts, your condition, nothing. Just promise me you'll be okay and I'll leave you alone. Everyone is worried sick. I just need you to be okay, I'll give up everything else. I'd be happy if you let me go, as long as I got to hear it directly from you. Please please please be okay. I'll be waiting. I'm holding onto hope. I'm at 2445 tuna cans please let me rest brah

Read my webtoon this morning before going back to sleep. Barely ate, to be honest. Got some new anxiety supplements, now I feel less scared and just sad. I am cooking for tomorrow for now, maybe I'll get to see the sun for once. Everyone is doing their own thing but still standing on guard. I still don't feel great, but I keep thinking thought bubble about you :P. Passed 2k tuna cans on Meow Tower - again, speaking volumes. I'll go win a comp match for you if I don't fall asleep. Good night! ☆

Uh oh, the DMs have been leaked! There are obviously a few implications from the event, but until we get more information, all we can do is wait and guess. It is quite embarrassing for everything to be read again, but I can't say I didn't predict this. Holding out hope you're still fighting out there somewhere. Tomorrow I might be going on a trip with my family and if they're gracious enough, I might try for a license. Need to start studying sometime. Have a good day, whatever you could even be doing in this scenario.

 ...Then I hit her with the "Me and you're mother last night" glf and everyone laughed and I won w ragebait

The fear I felt when I thought it was her was almost blinding, so unbearable. And the relief and mellow hope when I found out it wasn't was so comforting... I am not yet strong enough to face it all. But I can keep on hoping. I will not stop hoping. I slept for almost the entire day. Told a couple of people some stuff I shouldn't have, but I hope I will be forgiven because I really am struggling so much. But in a weird turn of events, just knowing there's a chance, knowing it's not yet over for sure, feels so uplifting. So I will keep on hoping. Hope my telepathic abilities are working! I tried to do well on my test but probably failed as badly as always. Almost won a comp match but saw The Horror right as I went into overtime. Got team MVP! I'll try not to be so scared. Still so much waiting ahead. Good night!  ⸜( *ˊᵕˋ* )⸝

  I think I am insanely disappointing. I didn't go to the DMV, I didn't go to the event (not even to meet K); J texted me to tell me something about opps being at his workplace so I shared some of what I knew with him, and let him tell C.  Speaking of opps, guess who texted me! You'll probably find out first. I didn't even read all of it. I'm so tired. I'm not that strong. I'm really sorry. Probably gonna hop on some Uma (upd: heh! Can't even find the will to do that! And to think this morning I even wanted to play Ena and MS) and then spend the rest of the day studying for tomorrow's test. Everything feels horrible. Rest well.

I genuinely don't know if this is just me being delusional, but I'd accept even that if it makes me feel better. Since I no longer have to spend hours feeling unable to do anything but wait and anticipate anything, I can now do other things. I caught up somewhat with my family, cleaned myself up, played MS (dude, I didn't have any voice acting in my first character's story), read some Peru lore, stretched, looked into some gamedev stuff. I told everyone everything. I tried to make the best choices, but I wouldn't blame you for not feeling satisfied. We realized we don't even know where you are, but I will fly out to find you if needed. Getting the earliest DMV appointment. They honestly made me way more concerned - funny how I thought I could relax, huh? Utility belt buddy kinda reminded me of you, so I'm gonna get it. I hope we find out where you are somehow. My head hurts too much, so I will end it here for the day. I have to study for another test tomorro...