ehh
I actually tried watching Kubz play SHf too, but it wasn't too great. I think the biggest comfort from it is watching Mark himself, not the game.
Last night I played one of the scariest things I've ever played brah, tried to ride my paranoia and mental illness.
I'm happy I went out. Actually felt nice. Couldn't stop thinking about you, though. Talked to some Miku fan and gave them a few stickers.
Now tell me why not washing my hands and wearing the simp hoodie made it smell like you
I don't Nou anything else. I am not happy, that's for sure. Things too weird. I'm on the train back home right now. Hope you have a good night and day 🥀
Ahh in that dream we were at my apartment (my old one, that's the default house in my dreams) and we were kissing, but then I told you you should go and looked back at the door and it was open, so I knew your mom had been in. Clearly a parallel there, but I felt so nice in the dream, and not anxious.
I don't know how to convince you to go to the dance, but everyone wants to see you simply alive. You should still consider it.
aw man no kubz scouts... so sad
ReplyDeleteI can see mark being very nostalgic, i just on more on pewdiepies side of watching things heh
Im glad it was nice to go out :]
It seems like you meet really cool people- i think that's something I've very jelas about ! I have to remind myself that the grass always seems greener on the other side though and everyone is just struggling with their own little things.
I hope you're able to talk to your friends more though ! I am very happy for you :]
That sounds like a nice dream cig emoji
I think I go crazy sometimes and I have these imaginary conversations with you that I hope you can actually hear me. I just hope that someday it just goes smoothly. Everything is go GAH right now but I hope it all smooths out ! My therapist sees things like unpeeling an orange and trying to get to the core of things to really understand what's happening, but I see it like a tin foil rolled up in a ball. You kinda just have to smooth it and compress it over and over again for it to be alright and then you set it aside. Smoothing out all the jagged edges little by little ! Maybe that makes sense maybe not.
I miss you. I hope to see you some day so we can talk !
I actually am leaving for Mexico. I'm not sure if ill be there for a week or two, but we will see.
Might actually be on the day to go on the dance ! I am not too sure if ill be able to go to that then....
I might just invite some friends to the bakery so we can talk starting off with carli and jon or maybe just carli. She's probably the closest to me who genuinely wants the best for me by telling me things I don't want to hear lol. Rima is nice as well- but she can be very persuasive and I don't know. Maybe I invite them both. Esbeida would be nice. I heard from my mom she wanted to talk to her and that she respects my mom's view point ! I have to remember that Esbeida does not actually hate me sometimes. Either way its def Esbeida and Zohaib, Carli and Rima, and possibly Kaustav and Mentee (bro so distant but it's because he's literally me- he's probably very worried)
I should begin to do that before Mexico time.
I will get you a little souvenir :]
Deletealso some very major updates in my life have happened
I may possibly study Christian psychology if not neuropsychology if it comes down to it.
I think that I want to help as many people as possible by helping them also not only in this life but the next too.
I've thought about it
I was asked what I would do if I only had a couple of months or a couple of years to live and I thought that doing missionary work was the best thing I could do.
I still struggle with the whole hell and heaven thing. I still believe God to be very mean and cruel at times, but if God can use me to actually help others and help them realize that there's more in however strange way I can't and don't understand then I will be very happy to do so.
This is so very important to me
I've come to realize that it does not really matter what happens to me today or tomorrow or the next decades of my life. Does not mean I will wallow in sadness ! I need to make something out of all of this perhaps
I've also thought about how much I really do love you and I think you're so perfect. I connected dots in my head and, although, it's very self centered, it's such a beautiful thing to see that God has the capacity to create someone who actually means so much to me.
In that way I hope for it to be real. I think it would be nice to get closer to someone who was able to make me feel this way for someone else even though I don't understand why bro does the things he does.
I'm sorry my messages are very Christian pilled. I hope you can see that I mean to send you all of this and update you sincerely and with love.
Bro how bad must my hand smell be if you are basing it on my entire smell ToT
ReplyDeleteI actually feel like at times I catch a slight smell of you in my bedsheets or my normal clothes
Bro does not have that napervillian rich smell if i can smell you on me heehee
im so broke
felt very yucky today. I thought today would be a good day !
ReplyDeleteI really really really do miss you. More than anything it's just I miss my best friend.
I don't know why others can't be more like hm you !
Makes me not like anyone around me. I feel bad for them and for myself.