MIKUB0T LORE

 i just got up lol. after so much thinking and doubting i got a couple of chances to confirm what i really feel. i do care about you and want to help you. i saw some video that was vaguely related to bad situations regarding you and it was like my whole body jumped up to defend you. i closed the vid after not even half a minute and i think i had to pace around for a bit to calm down lol. i'm actually happy about this ngl. i had a long complicated dream with many problems and then i got some stuff addressed to me, funnily enough, all my mom said about it is that she hoped i would read it lmaoo. it was a packet of letters from you printed in small font, and in every page was what i assumed to be daily hospital admission papers. i flipped through it but the only thing i really noticed was you commenting on my brother's relationship. i felt slightly concerned but also happy and not really anxious, which also felt nice. also some racist song played in my head probably in your and k...

 no matter what, i am really thankful for you bringing a lot of happiness and other good things into my life and for getting fc to be created. you're probably really angry at me but it's really stressful to even post here. i had a dream we met in the theater i watched rocky horror at and your mom called you and i heard her screaming from afar ToT also i think it was halloween bc i think j was there asking if we want him to buy balloons or something

i read in my dream again and had a Vision after waking up and felt so peaceful life really beautiful i am only very slightly insane im happy and my appetite is slightly coming back. im playing this game and there was never any schizophrenia in it but this one playthrough there was a voice in my ear saying behind you and knocking within like 5 minutes ay karamba. i think i looked really nice on Tuesday; class was really slow so i drew you a bunch including on my test (if i fail we know who to blame). had a Bad Feeling Reality Check the night prior but decided to stay optimistic; then finally had an anxiety attack again (on Tuesday i think? i'm like two days ahead bc of my sleep schedule). i used to play a bunch of how to train your dragon games and roblox actually has one but it's not that good sigh roblox moment. way too soon after that i saw both t and k on the same httyd game that was crazyy everyone having fun without me sigh ! everyone that used to play prospecting lowkey l...

 i won't comment on anything on your part this time lol. today was really bad, it's getting harder and harder, i was probably the closest i've ever been to giving up and leaving, and then the coincidences started. what are the odds of MY barnes & noble having a HOWL VINYL (it's still in print? there's a vinyl? why was it at the front of all the vinyls right by creator) and the broken bracelet somehow magically fixing itself and oh brother there's so much snoopy stuff. even if i didn't believe in this stuff it feels like i keep getting encouragement to go on at my lowest. i just really really wish i had help and didn't have to do this alone against all odds lol but i keep getting proof that is indeed the case i guess

 woke up and looked at tge clock and it said 6 and i genuinely thought i slept for 15 hours since 3 pm and was still tired i thought i was genuinely close to dying. but it was 6 pm and we got Back to Work. drew a comic need to goonsmaxx more. i don't think i mentioned it but ringtones and phones buzzing are actually pretty triggering to me because it reminds me of how stressed i was being on guard 24/7 waiting from news from you, but when the same ringtone as mine played multiple times in class i actually barely reacted, healing maxxing. genuinely thought about getting just a small message with good news from you and still felt an insane wave of anxiety this whole situation fucked me up so bad bruh that's embarrassing. anw i did not sleep at all on Thursday night. and maybe it was the air at 11 am or being outside or the absolute banger dnb music in my ears but i felt so good about a decision i made that you wouldn't like. i genuinely felt like it was spring break in high s...

 ouu im quite scared. i actually havent been taking any meds for a while now idk how i survived. got a 10 from the test thats wondersome i don't need sleep. see thing is when things r this bad and i just wanted someone else to do all the work for me id be praying for everything to work out now immediately but what i need to do is lock in stop being a pussy and do everything myself. nothing will be pleasant but at least things will turn out for the better at least for others maybe. im back to going sigma solo tis how life turns out to be in the end for me my hand was forced too many opps

Random Reddit comment I found reading about an only relatively related topic.  "Humans notice patterns. Or rather, it would be more accurate to say that humans look for patterns. In everything. Clouds look like animals. Religious icons on our toast. We go car shopping and notice the model we've been looking at appears everywhere. Humans are always trying to find order in randomness - mostly because we can't comprehend probability. Here's the thing: We forget that the car we've been looking at has been increasing in popularity and advertising for years. We don't notice all the clouds that don't look like animals, or the times we get toast with no religious affiliation whatsoever. Humans seek out patterns, and when we can't find them, our brain makes them up. Apophenia. Observational selection bias." You know what apophenia was linked to? Schizophrenia. And I hope you'd agree with me that's not what you want to base your behavior on. This has...

 plenty of time 11th through march is pondering time still everything so chill world keeps spinning i keep suffering who gaf. keep getting throwbacks of random ass snaps about my horrible ass mental health and everything we been suffering since time immemorial ig. my dreams so ass, in one i had a split second yaoi cameo where zen was pushing luv on the swing i think and then i went to some "dating" event and turned the people there down and instead spent the entire dream talking about you lmfao and then i stayed in bed for three fucking hours bc i couldn't fall back asleep. also something scary might happen this weekend but maybe it will be good and nice ya .. also we're prob gonna move so keep that in mind too ig they keep raising our rent. either way at the very least you should be okay so ig i don't have to worry. me and my mama gonna queen out to RuPaul bangers im actually kinda happy and joyfilled world is beautiful ! anw 10th was the first day in ages that i...

 i just gave up and reset my pc. the only things i backed up were the folder of ur stuff and clips from that game that's dead that i loved. lost a fuck ton of data and gajillion songs and my important thing i was cooking heh. i don't think it fixed much either but at least my pc can work for Some time now. letting go of years of my past sigh i can't be behind on stuff if there is no stuff to be behind on saw myself in the mirror and dude i look so horrible but at least i'm good for studying anatomy ig. crazy goonmaxxing going on in zenless rn. i haven't drawn in basically a month dude. had a Symbolic dream of this drug addict giving up on drugs for me and then kissing me lol oh le yearning. would you go to my funeral? also things r still getting worse. i got SIIIX SEVENNN on my exam im not getting above a c tho ngl im even surprised i lasted this long in general with how i'm doing. idk why you did allat. someone said umamierdasume i agreed. played some rbx fast ...

wake up it's the 1st of tha month! last night was bad so i made some songs abt it, played league today (i am so good), bc of Problems i cant read anything so postponed. i have uhh Looked at my active friends on roblox and did Not enjoy what i saw ngl. am realizing even More feelings i am feeling about everything. idk if you saw but valo got a complete rework lol i wonder what your rank would be now. also learned of the piedra del sol skin line. wakeup it's the 2nd of tha month! things are so bad. if i dont know what youre up to i can at least imagine that Some things are going north while everything else going south. genuinely so . bad also didn't eat today basically and dont have any food. it takes three whole fucking weeks to  die of starvation i ltierally can't win. i saw bibinos in my dream i think he was my professor and on the last day i grabbed him by his shirt and shook bro and told him i had a grudge on him for the eurovision comments and i know there were 4 ot...