lilith mercury retrograde for the nth time in a row (very bad)

 i just gave up and reset my pc. the only things i backed up were the folder of ur stuff and clips from that game that's dead that i loved. lost a fuck ton of data and gajillion songs and my important thing i was cooking heh. i don't think it fixed much either but at least my pc can work for Some time now. letting go of years of my past sigh i can't be behind on stuff if there is no stuff to be behind on

saw myself in the mirror and dude i look so horrible but at least i'm good for studying anatomy ig. crazy goonmaxxing going on in zenless rn. i haven't drawn in basically a month dude. had a Symbolic dream of this drug addict giving up on drugs for me and then kissing me lol oh le yearning. would you go to my funeral? also things r still getting worse. i got SIIIX SEVENNN on my exam im not getting above a c tho ngl im even surprised i lasted this long in general with how i'm doing. idk why you did allat. someone said umamierdasume i agreed. played some rbx fast food game where you serve ur friends' avatars and i recognized one person, i literally interrupted a convo with my mom to lock in to stare at bro eating my burger and then realized i had been grinning the whole time sigh. if i was feeling a bit better i could and should be helping so many people this rly sux. i'm immune to ragebait on league i'm actually goated. and yet the signs are coming i just need to survive until the 20th and you'll wake up and save me and i will win big and i will survive yeeess believ it. i really want to talk to you but ig i still have to put myself first? i remembered you gave up on uiuc and neuro and i felt so sick and my heartrate spiked. you're basically killing someone that is important to me, and i'm supposed to sit there and take it and i reckon it a wee bit unfair innit. im actually in quite a lot of pain physically. same as what you said - it sucks that things can't just be completely bad through and through, the slight sliver of goodness in it all leads to nothing but confusion and hesitation pmo real bad. after reading some christianity stuff i had a dream i was leading some kinda bible camp thing and it was pretty miserable so ig that's that too. saw animation of nailong getting beat up and killed. am back to iron. w snow. i hope your choices were worth it. I've been personally paying for your happiness for so long and i'm still doing it and probably will for so much longer. all these horses remind me of you i hate this game so much i hate my life. im in such a stupid fucking situation and nothing i say will get anyone to listen we all just live in a stupid  hamster wheel. whoever matrixed my life did a great job in rigging everything in the worst possible way to troll me, w ragebaiter. i'll wait because i can also be just as stubborn. if we are all doing make believe shit then i am allowed some as well idc. i believe in who we lost because she wasn't just important for me but she deserves to exist and i want to fight for her ya brain emoji. anw things getting even worse i love waking up feeling mid and getting bombarded by bad news first thing in the morning (6.30 pm). i don't think i can make it i don't think i cna deal with everything and fix everything for everyone and i also cant afford to go to the hospital and i can't die rn bc the timing would be ass idk what to do. we are Not fucking balling 

Comments

  1. AnonymousNovember 9, 2025 at 5:30 PM

    I freaked out because I couldn’t find the website and thought that maybe you had deleted it !
    I did more digging [in your butt twin] and found it again- I genuinely was so sad thinking it was deleted
    Before going to Mexico I actually bought you a gift that you’d really like- I just remembered when I saw it in my room right now. Lowkey kinda want to use it 😭🙏
    I still care about you. I haven’t forgotten about you. And I miss you. It makes me sad to know you’re not feeling so well- I really wish I could be there for you. Just know if you ever need anything I’m 10 minutes away. Eat well and drink enough water! I’ll probably respond later again.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousNovember 9, 2025 at 9:46 PM

    I was reading our texts before going to bed
    I didn’t realize how many miscommunication we had because of things on my end🥀
    I wanted to say that I was sorry for all those times. I think it’s important for me to have been able away from you for a bit, so I could have analyzed my communication.
    Gahhh I don’t even want to read because I sound so silly
    I miss you !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousNovember 9, 2025 at 9:47 PM

      You were so kind to me, thank you.

      Delete
    2. AnonymousNovember 9, 2025 at 9:57 PM

      Also you were in my dream, but this dream was different from the rest of my dreams. I dreamt of us talking about the afterlife in a living room I’ve never been at and sitting down at a table brah
      It was strange because it was the first time in my dreams that felt so serious and eerie in some way with you. I remember it all so well still.
      Also, still reading but I think I’m going to stop soon because I really sound silly.
      I hope you think of me as cool as I think of you. I wonder if someday you’ll realize how stupid and awful I am. I acted out with what I knew at that moment not thinking of the future and being just so irrationally emotional gah !
      I wish I could have be as cool and smart as you 🥀
      I wish I’d know 100% what you think of me is something I’ve always thought
      Good night, Robin

      Delete
  3. AnonymousNovember 10, 2025 at 9:42 PM

    I have two videos on my computer that are my favorite videos of you from Wisconsin actually.
    This is the first time in a long time that I sat down to be in my computer and I just see them staring at me. I didn’t think I’d look back at them and cry. I thought I'd be able to laugh and smile at it forever
    I think what I miss the most is how you looked at me ! Sigh !
    I wonder if I should just go to sleep or distract myself playing something. I still have to play deltarune

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousNovember 10, 2025 at 10:16 PM

      I thought I had to reset my pc just like bro
      Thankfully, I still managed to keep all the things I’ve had and, just in case, I’ve uploaded them in ssd
      I have so many pictures of playing the 2 player midnight game show game and guilty as a sock and Webfishing and Roblox ink games
      I have picture of sward face cut off and some code nice
      Picture of you thumb up in puss in boots movie at cod
      Why did I know things were going to go this way in the winter? I even wrote a poem about it. I am thankful to have enjoyed everything. I genuinely wouldn’t have done anything differently besides telling you that I loved you sooner.

      Delete
    2. AnonymousNovember 10, 2025 at 10:20 PM

      I hope class goes well for you tomorrow. sleep well, Robin. I’m going to finish playing cat girl !

      Delete
    3. AnonymousNovember 10, 2025 at 11:01 PM

      Oh nah mopmip and catgirls friendship reminds me of you and me
      So wholesome🥕
      Sometimes, I remember how I’ll remember you far longer than the time I got to spend with you.
      I should have just kept drawing horses! ( reference to a very cool Pinterest art I found that is us )

      Delete
  4. AnonymousNovember 11, 2025 at 10:15 AM

    I dreamt of the animatronics chasing me in a hotel with the lights turned all off and then getting a boy 2000 soda can !
    Received a really weird message today and my stomach sank to the ground idk man I hate everyone
    I went to sleep crying. My bed brings a lot of memories of you.
    I hope you have a good day today. Or have had a good day today, class must be ending soon .

    https://open.spotify.com/track/2G79Z3CoojfEjXWPsVnpFR?si=7WAUct0zRd-YfUgv7LdSBg

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousNovember 11, 2025 at 2:54 PM

    Finished catgirl yippiteee

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousNovember 11, 2025 at 10:31 PM

    This is actually serious and insane. At church I saw walking towards me someone who looked exactly like you. Same glasses, same face, same outfit you’d kind wear. The only thing was that this person was smaller than me. My heart started to hurt so bad and I almost started to cry brah
    I don’t know why these things happen to me at church. If there is no God then it’s just a coincidence from the universe, but if there is a God -then is it God that’s really telling me to go back into your life? Or is God allowing me to be haunted by the constant thought of you even in church? Either way, this can’t just be a coincidence. I’m paranoid and someone is definitely watching me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousNovember 11, 2025 at 10:37 PM

      I’m also wearing your baller fan hoodie. The last time I wore it was when I was going to attempt and the second to last time was when I first kissed you.
      Haven’t worn it because it’s not even a piece of clothing to me anymore, it’s a constant reminder of you in every way that I don’t want to use for my own self purposes. I’m wearing it because I want to feel closer to you I guess. Seeing that especially in church was a bit rough.
      I always blame myself for not trying harder.
      I’m going to play some midnight video games. I hope you had a good day today. Good night and sleep well, Robin. 🤍

      Delete
    2. AnonymousNovember 11, 2025 at 11:44 PM

      https://youtu.be/medb8PRIIVA?si=xA1yK3g7Cuk4e0eS

      Delete

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