another week update i am surviving still

i read in my dream again and had a Vision after waking up and felt so peaceful life really beautiful i am only very slightly insane im happy and my appetite is slightly coming back. im playing this game and there was never any schizophrenia in it but this one playthrough there was a voice in my ear saying behind you and knocking within like 5 minutes ay karamba. i think i looked really nice on Tuesday; class was really slow so i drew you a bunch including on my test (if i fail we know who to blame). had a Bad Feeling Reality Check the night prior but decided to stay optimistic; then finally had an anxiety attack again (on Tuesday i think? i'm like two days ahead bc of my sleep schedule). i used to play a bunch of how to train your dragon games and roblox actually has one but it's not that good sigh roblox moment. way too soon after that i saw both t and k on the same httyd game that was crazyy everyone having fun without me sigh ! everyone that used to play prospecting lowkey left after the Halloween event. i feel weird idk what i should do really, come Friday if i lock in i lock in ig. idk how it's still tuesday (as in. 8 am on wednesday) i took like three naps at least, i even slept in the bathroom again. i really hate being me everyone keeps hurting me and it's probably always my fault anyway it just sucks sighh. i keep thinking good things will last a while and they never do actual idot shit. stayed up so late i missed my uma dailies and felt new pain i am maybe dying? staying up not helping my mood anyway. so then i went to sleep at around 3 pm on wednesday and despite my alarms i only got up around 9 after dreaming your mom called mine bc you never let your phone out of your hands and you were getting a lot of flowers even if i knew that had nothing to do with me, idk if i woke up right away from the stress or if it wasn't related lol. uhh im back to bronze? i also got a new horse that i didnt want eewwww but after dropping every single carat i had again i got the good one after 115 pulls gambling gooning horse. idk if 1 am on friday rings a bell but dude that stressed me out so much i had to take meds again. it sucks seeing no progress being done without me and knowing i'll probably fail too heh. i got my license. as i said the day was mid but the coincidences were coincidencing. bought a bunch of gifts, was invited to go to a thing on saturday but i'm crashing out and it's 7 am and i'm still up lol. uhh saturday was supposed to go to chicago but started tweaking. princess selenia from arthur looks very familiar i may have been rewatching clips. sunday left home at 7 pm to go to a goth party concert thing in chicago and got home at 7 am. met a bunch of people and played pool for like 3 hours and i got to see actual goths aint no way my people are real. ihop kinda goated...... got 6 on test which is decent considering i didn't manage to force myself to study at all. prof actually said bye to me and acknowledged my nodding today i guess i do exist. i will be home alone for a really long while i will be crashing out daily prob fire emoji. i talk about you so much people actually started ignoring me lol. also damn i'm not the only person who uses 67 to mean mid sighh i'm not special at all. all in all i seem to be holding up surprisingly well, i think i even seem to have gained some weight (watch it turn out to be another health problem) but i'm mostly just stressing about everyone around me non stop. why is everyone so stubborn :( also had a dream of me and what i assume to be my friend group acting out one of those romance novels with a ton of romantic interest dudes thing and at some point the dream got so funny i tried really hard not to start cry laughing and i think i started lowkey suffocating and woke up lol. i woke up after 2 hours of sleep that "night" and i think i only had a half hour nap then, so sleep issues and my body hurting to the bone seem to be the only problems i have rn really. i kinda stopped spiralling which is Probably good, i'm coping in ways that aren't the best but they work as much as i need them so ig we ball on that front too. otherwise i'm tuning everything out really bad i stopped talking to everyone again and other mental stuff isn't the greatest but it could be worse