still survival we are not going hospitalwards i am ball for ever

SPOKE TOO SOON. my mood has been good, was genuinely happy for a couple of days, and then bro my health tanked. had to wait to see if i wasn't dying brah. just got up from forcing myself to try to sleep for 16 hours. it's like my body was just trying to speedrun every possible ailment this whole time lol. i'm okay now minus a slight cold and my obscene sleep problems. still behind on everything and kinda stressed, plus my sleep straight up left me unable to comprehend the passage of time, i don't feel the passing of days lowkey. i really really need to lock in to my physical health and studying. i have my last exam on Tuesday (origami ......) and then the final is a week after that and i am Quite Frankly Scared bc i know there is no way i am getting above a c and even then i'm being too generous.

had a w gaming night instead of studying, horribly botfragged one game, and then just went reyna and aced and match mvpd and my team was 4/5 to ffing in the very beginning lol. iron lobby tho ofc bc i was one shield away from deranking. went driving for the first time in half a year or whatever was it, somehow didn't crash even on an hour of sleep. it would've been so easy to drive up to your house scratches head .. i had two dreams about you ! one you were mad at me probably bc you were jealous i didn't walk with you to some spot but then i asked you if we could go back together and said pleawsee and you couldn't stop yourself from smiling and then we just stayed around everyone chilling doing whatever it was uneventful but very nice. and then i think we were trying to escape from something or whatever but then we went to a cemetery and saw this (probably mechanical) orangutan and you wanted a picture with it lol. i genuinely forgot the entire dream but then the last visual of you in frame with the orangutan was so vivid i remembered it. speaaaking of orangutans i just played a game with talking orangutans in it, withholding the name for personal gain. also saw a dream for mentee, he was behind a wall too shy to speak and spoke by throwing lego figurines and invited me to his discord server where there was nothing but a dogshit ai video playing that whole dream was pure brainrot idek what that was. i lowkey feel worse and worse not talking to you but i've been keeping tabs on you and everyone seems to be doing well without me so that's nice heh. i am not able to acquire christmas gifts i was planning out for so long oughhh that made me sad i goofed up. also turns out i have that fortnite battle royale mode? chat is this money i hear. alsoooo i had to go watch jjk in cinemas. first of all why the fuck did i see a 28 years later ad in there? i thought if true this is a sign as big as that howl vinyl. turns out they're making a second years movie that's crazy chat. also this means i didn't see fnaf and you know what thaaat meaanssss

hagd :P

Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 16, 2025 at 8:39 AM

    I had a dream about you after some time actuAlly. I just woke up from it like literally right now. We were taking some Polaroids with the rest of everyone at a Walmart because it was free lol. I remember exactly how I came out in them too. Either way; it was a bit awkward between us, but we managed to finally talk and there was a bed/seat that we both laid on afterwards. All I remember was you talking to me and making me laugh, like a bunch. Then Kaustav comes out of no where and asks to see your photos (because you took some individually) and they very really nice photos of you ! Either way, after Kaustav left you told me you wanted to get a drink from the water fountain, but you didn’t know which one (for some reason). And I just told you to take a drink from every fountain and bro was so happy with that idea that you gave me a kiss on the cheek and I was like woah. We went to the fountain and you basically taste tested them all. We got to the last water fountain and this one was like had Greek statues (vaporwave ! ) and a really weird design to it with a lot of different places to drink from the fountain. You started to drink it and I pressed a button, not knowing what it would do, and the water was so close to hitting spraying on you because the whole flow of the water system changed. Interesting. You commented that the design was very “Mexican” (I remember that very vividly). You then decided to sit down on the corner of the fountain and I sat right across from you. Then I started to slip, so I got up and walked towards you. Then you started to slip ! And you actually fell into the fountain, but I grabbed your hand and pulled you up. You were like “if you didn’t pull me up, I’d probably have stayed there for much longer” and I giggled. Bro was drenched and then you grabbed your shirt and started to air it out and I just looked away because I got a bit shy. That’s about it. The entire time I felt like something was off between you and me, but you were perfectly fine with me around. You also talked more than me. When I woke up, I was really disappointed that things can’t be as simple as that

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousDecember 16, 2025 at 8:40 AM

      Good luck on your exam, if it is today!

      Delete
    2. AnonymousDecember 16, 2025 at 8:46 AM

      Also, I would appreciate you replying back to my message on your previous post, whenever you can.
      Also, I still do think of you. I pray for you every night, if that counts for anything on your side, but it means the world to me

      Delete
    3. AnonymousDecember 17, 2025 at 12:06 AM

      I honestly don’t know if you’ve moved on. My lack of responding has probably led you to decide to not update me. That’s okay, but I’d like for you to at least tell me. I’d like to know your answer by Sunday or I’ll just take it as a mutual decision to not talk to each other anymore.

      On another note, I hope your exam went well ! I don’t know if you saw, but I bought an Alice in the wonderland book. I thought it would make me get closer to you someway somehow and it did. I’m actually half way done reading it. So actually, unsurprisingly, I read the first two things Alice said and I was immediately like “she has to be an intp. She sounds like Robin and like that character for Zato.” And guess what ! Alice is INTP ! I definitely know my people tongue emoji
      I think the next book I’ll read is Sherlock Holmes (INTP!). I am reading a Spanish book on the side to practice my Spanish and this one theology book.
      I think about how I’d begin a conversation with you a lot and I think about all the things we tolerated from each other. I’ve started to piece a lot of things together being away from the eye of the storm, which is good. I just still feel really hurt still and confused about everything myself. I wonder if you’ve moved on from being hurt and confused. I wonder if you don’t think of me for days on end. I wonder a lot of things that I’ll probably never get answer to and probably for the best.

      I actually got a text from someone today that I thought was you but alas !

      Have a good night <3

      Delete
  2. AnonymousDecember 18, 2025 at 9:07 AM

    Bbno tickets on sale chat wake up

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousDecember 18, 2025 at 7:51 PM

    100% orange juice …

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousDecember 19, 2025 at 7:02 AM

    I had a dream that we went to the same university, but then when I went to go see you (after some time) you ended up killing me with knife 🔥

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousDecember 20, 2025 at 4:46 PM

    I have Lmms miku background you’d like

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousDecember 21, 2025 at 10:11 PM

    I purposely waited until 12 to see if you would have anything to say. I’m at least glad I do have an answer, but I’m sad to know genuinely how you gave such little importance and time to this. I won’t check this anymore, so I hope all does go well for you. Either way, this is my final message to you- although, it would have been very nice to see each other and talk. See you and take care <3

    ReplyDelete

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