Joymaxxing tonight on everything
Got into a 5-stack with 5 Bronze 1s and a Silver 3, I botfragged in my team of course, but got 32 RR, super worth it. Second one I placed higher but we lost. Wonderful
There was this one day when my phone was off and the Balls in Your Jaws song started playing and I got so scared (sigh that's too harrassment pilled) that I had to restart my phone for it to leave. I actually have a similar memory of it happening with Miku, but maybe I'm just remembering that story being told.
Ahh barely eated. So hungry. Sleep or gaming and eat
Tried to talk to T about making a game and bro didn't respond... K didn't show up to a gaming night he himself arranged... Sigh everyone hates me sigh
See brah the only message God had for me was about ice cream life is beautiful don't even worry you just gyatta believe
I don't want to play church without you... Who's gonna bait all the opps for me 🥀
You not being with me is what feels wrong. Like in a gut feeling sense, it just doesn't feel right.
Gianmarco Soresi is a popular comedian. Remember when I told you at some point me and K were sending each other comedy shorts? That was the guy I would usually send.
Speaking of NPCs, I had this delusion moment a couple of days ago where I genuinely believed nobody was real except you. Even meeting people IRL didn't help.
My anxiety IS about you leaving me and its consequences. I don't know if that is just the selfish part of me, or some entitlement, or something more legitimate. Your coldness and distance were probably the biggest hits too, so I feel somewhat better these days. I keep tearing up on multiple occasions, I felt too anxious to go to the gym, and I don't eat, but otherwise, I feel better. Again, it's that dumb ass hope, I guess.
I think I kinda decided not to apply? I feel like everything is too uncertain; I don't know if anything is worth it. Three days for the application is also horrible. I was thinking that I wouldn't even know what to write my essay about because I don't even know who I am anymore.
I think the people around me know full well how bad I'm doing. I just feel like nobody would get me like you would, so I don't even care much. My parents are taking care of me just as much as they always do, so I'm good on that part.
I don't know if I ever got to tell you, but I sometimes breathe out and just don't breathe back in. It genuinely feels so good - again, not in an emo way. I feel like I could just sit like that for a very, very long time, but then I get concerned and logically think that that's got to be a bad thing, so I have to breathe again. It happens occasionally. I remember you telling me you learned that you have to breathe deeply while running :D Take care of yourself!
HORSES FARTING AND SNORING YES TY
Ah, still so much I could say... 🥀
I didn't get to play Ena, and I am really tired, but I still have a bunch of alcohol and food left over, and I feel too guilty to let it all go to waste... I don't want to nap either, because it feels dumb. But the food is cold and my head is pained. Such is life aw.
Unwilted rose emoji the belief that we will both get through this really keeps me going. I love being delusional, I do Not give a gaf.
My mom gave me a Labubu someone left 😭
Good night! Monday off for America Day wonderful enjoy it
I HAD A DREAM 🗣️
ReplyDeleteI dreamed that we were actaully hanging out at my haus and you were in my room ! We found out there was something happening outside that was bad bad news, so we decided to check it out. But before we left we actually both came down the stairs and my family saw us. You went up to greet them and they greeted you and things were a tad bit awkward, but before leaving they prayed for just your general wellbeing and we were off. I drove you to your haus and everything was okay, but on the way coming back things were really bad. Houses and things were destroyed and things on fire. And, I wondered if you were okay. Bro it turned out to be a zombie apocalyse ToT but not like walking dead, it was like last of us- so we were cooked. I actually thought so logically about what we could do.
Oh for some reason my room actually wasn’t my room so much it was different and i don’t know if we took a nap together or what before i dropped you off. But, I know I was very happy !
Anyways, I was thinking how I would get food and water and also be skillful enough in killing one of these things ToT I thought about the sword that I had upstairs, but it isn’t sharp enough. I also have a bow and arrows, but I couldn’t rely on my aim. So I just decided on a big ahh knife for now. I thought about raiding a store for more arrows, but there’s no way I could go out now with everyone and everything too chaotic.
Hmmm
The rest of the story is just more zombie lore, one part very crazy.
When things were more desolate, we finally decided to leave the house and scavenge for food. We found beans brah. I wondered if you were okay. Then I woke up !
Holy moly 32 rr is actually crazy insane. Dude, you’re getting so good :D
ReplyDeleteI actually loled 😭 That’s veryyy funny chat
Vro so silly
Mama mia, take care of yourself 🥀 You-especially -I feel like I have no idea how you’re holding up 💀 I feel so physically weak ! I don’t think I could bike all the way to your house even if my life depended on it
I think my heart would give out 😭🙏
So, take care of yourself broski 🥀
Aw….
K was probably trying to get back at T 😭🙏
I don’t know how gaming nights are going to go when I come back. Some part of me doesn’t want to deal with everything and just lowkey drop everyone. It would be a hassle for me to open up to people about everything. I guess I could always just say I needed a break.
No one hates you 👅
You need to get Culver’s ice cream then now 👅
Baiting all the opps is crazy sigh ….
We have to beat it :D
I feel like you’re my soulmate ! Feels very cheesy saying it, but I think it describes how I really feel about you sigh
Ahhhh yes maybe yes
Why does bro look like dr. Haus very slightly
That’s actually really strange. I would have assumed the opposite to be better fitting to our situation. I genuinely believed that you weren’t real and that everything else was going on and I don’t know why people were overreacting. I probably wrote it in my letters or have already told you. I am unsure. But the brain tries to cope so hard that it just completely tries to forget whatever traumatic thing has happened. I knew you were “there” but it was more of like I don’t know what the big deal was. I just knew I missed you.
Everything still feels like nothing really ever happened, but I have to remind myself that it did.
We in the matrix bro
What you experienced is definitely related to trauma though. Even if you felt that was for a bit. You should journal :]
Its consequences? Consequences to you?
I’m sorry. Last week was really difficult for me to reach out to you in a way that would make me happy. I tend to retreat and isolate myself when things get hard. I did check up on your blog A LOT because I was really impulsive. I don’t know what’s the correct thing for me to do is.
Even if it’s just walking around, your body will feel much better :]
And make sure to eat and drink water…
I actually heard that drinking water before and after sleeping help reduce your chances of getting a stroke !
I think you should give it your best shot at applying. I don’t think I should be a factor that makes you or gives you an excuse to not apply. It is worth it :)
DeleteThis was my essay !
There was a moment, sitting in the audience at graduation—clapping, smiling, cheering—when I felt completely disconnected. Swallowed by a thick fog of shame and fear, I couldn’t celebrate with my friends the way I wanted to. A voice inside whispered: I was never strong enough. I feared I would always fall behind because I cared too deeply, tried too hard to be there for others, and in doing so, lost parts of myself. I hurt people I loved and questioned whether I was ever truly enough.
The long, hot days of summer followed, and I moved through them beside my fellow graduates. We laughed and cried; I listened and was listened to. Slowly, a truth revealed itself: each of us carried a weight. While I had been drowning in my own storm, so many others were doing the same in silence. The success of graduation masked deeper struggles. We were all learning to stay afloat.
Somewhere in that chaos—in quiet drives, tearful confessions, late-night talks where silence felt heavier than words—I began to change course. I sometimes laugh and say I drove myself into a kind of madness that rerouted my future, away from the secure path of software development, the scholarships, and the carefully made plans. What felt like losing control was really the moment I began to understand what mattered to me.
There is a knowing in me that is not learned from books but earned in the bone, the kind of knowing that comes from living a decade in a handful of months, from waking up physically worn as if every hour had been doubled and every sorrow replayed. That exhaustion taught me what endurance really costs, and it taught me the quiet tenderness that survives despite the cost: a stubborn, soft kindness that keeps showing up even when the world feels callous.
That is why I chose to study psychology. Whether I become a clinical psychologist or a neuropsychologist working alongside other professionals, I want my work to be a daily practice of presence and care—listening with the kind of attention forged in the storm, creating space for others to speak, to feel, and to heal. This major is not just a field of study for me—it is the structure I need to turn empathy into impact. A way forward— for myself, and hopefully, for others too.
It’s really silly and stupid, but I think that that’s the best I could write given my condition right now. I actually completely wanted to switch it up and I probably should have, but I stuck with the original idea.
Eh. I hope this give you some kind of inspiration to try to cook something up :]
If you think staying will be better then I think you can also try to find yourself during that time :) Either way, I’m sure you’ll feel better with time. I just don’t want you to think that it’s not worth it anymore or that it’s too far out of your reach. There’s still time and you’ll be able to move forward with things :)
If i don’t get accepted to uiuc, then you’ll see me at uic ! :D
I can invite you to the cool fun college parties at uiuc, if i do get accepted :D
You can sleep over at my dorm and explore the campus :D
I agree with you as well. I feel like you’re the only one that does actually understand what im going through. I think this feeling is normal :)
DeleteI’m glad you have people around you though who are kind to you.
I think I do that too actually ToT
I feel like it calms me in some way, idk, but it does feel pretty good.
Bro has one lung though bro definitely can’t be doing that
Of course
I hope you like my YouTube recommendation
You should say it :D
I am just curious about everything you want to say :]
Has your headache gone away?
Bro be hung over mama mia
Who is going to take care of you? Sigh….
You’re so sweet :)
I hope you’re doing well today
Rabubu
Good morning :]
Hope you enjoy America flag emoji day
I was just thinking about you and I was thinking if you really thought being without me does not feel right. It might not at the moment, but did it feel right to you the entire time we were together? I feel like you’ve also had some doubts- but I’m not sure in regards to what specifically. Either way, I just wanted to know what you thought :)
DeleteHope you’re doing well ! <3